every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
