I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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