Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
