forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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