My friends, they love my intelligence
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
