Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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