What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
