I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
