Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize