Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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