i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
