bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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