i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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