If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
