I need to stop coming to work sober
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
