ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
