I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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