Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
