in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
