I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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