It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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