i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
