You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
