After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
