There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
