im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
