my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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