That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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