I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
