I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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