I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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