You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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