U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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