I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
