Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
