im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
