I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
