I think I died a long time ago.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
