Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Still dying that you shit outside
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
