Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Holy sore nipples Batman
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
