I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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