Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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