one word: firstdatebathroomanal
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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