I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
