Sponge bath it is.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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