I molested 6 butterflies tonight
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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