he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
