so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
