ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
