weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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